And why that’s (probably) ok
Well shit, things were going swimmingly, I thought. I haven’t really tried writing anything since college and it was so easy back then that I didn’t see the point. True Story: I wrote an “A” report on a book that I only read the dust jacket of in my senior year. Just stating a fact and the accompanying observation that like anything else, a talent will erode if just left in the corner of the closet. So I started this post with a total case of writer’s block, no idea at all what I was going to say or write. Having said that, things started flowing so easily when I started this project that I thought: well, shit just like riding a bike after all! Now I sit here with the thing that messes with a ton of the current Human Condition. Difficulty where I did not expect much. Difficult situations and adversity are surprisingly relative terms and I think it will be fun for us to try and work this out “live stream” style. So: (Largely) unedited stream of consciousness here.
Stop me if you’ve heard this before: (actually I’d appreciate it if you keep reading but you get the term) I am not unique. Although these days I might be relatively so, in hoping that I am indeed, not unique. I sat down thinking to myself that well, it’s time to do some work. Except I started thinking about some shitty life event or another. Then I started to think about what I needed to do. I wasn’t entirely sure. Oh hey; back to the life event again. No wait, I need to write something. Then a kind of mental vapor lock started to settle in and then I looked for a quick distraction and then I told myself to focus and then SQUIRREL!!!
Now, I may be wrong about what I’m going to say but I don’t think so. Much of our distraction and thoughts that keep us from focusing on what we deem to be important is based in negativity. Now I know, I know. We are supposed to avoid such feelings these days but hold my hand and walk with me for a minute or two. Not into the Free Candy Van, don’t make this weird.
Granted, many times in our lives we are distracted by genuine pleasantries and good feelings. Started a new relationship, got that new job or promotion, bought that new ride etc. etc. And my oh my! Those are great feelings! Inevitably, unless you are perhaps irrationally confident, that is, we become possessive of those feelings. I would correlate them with doing really good drugs, just hopefully without cashing out the kids 529 plan. The Bar has now been raised and now we have to push more and more chips into the pot to maintain it and now our joy has a deep seated level of stress associated with it. No! Dammit! I need this relationship to work! I need to make these higher car payments because I love my new ride! The hell with the added stress! I need to make this new role at work be awesome even if I don’t like it so I can maintain it all! See? It’s so much easier, for whatever reason, for human nature to focus on negative experiences. We can’t help it and I will totally and unscientifically prove it.
We all know two ends of the Positive Person spectrum. Casually known as Glass Half Full or Glass Half Empty. Now let’s all be honest; we are in the Trust Tree here after all. Glass Half Full Guy (or Gal) tends to grate on us for some reason. We should take inspiration and let the positive vibes flow and sure, there is the Unicorn out there who farts rainbows and barfs ice-cream and everything is hunky-dory all the time. But most of us are Glass Half Empty. No matter how full that glass may be, we keep changing the size from a tumbler to a pint glass to a schooner to a 50 gallon drum. How often have you had a half hour conversation with a friend about “How Grand Are The Times my Friend!”? How much more often do you spend time complaining to each other about grievances? I have two thoughts/theories on this that I will spit out. You could ascribe one to Half Full and the other to Half Empty. I will not assign one or the other, it’s more fun to let you decide for yourself.
The Negative Constant.
This is not an attempt at the lamest humble brag ever but: I used to work for this billionaire who said that the only reason people smoke cigarettes anymore is so that they can go outside and complain about shit with each other at work. And he was right to a degree, I used to be part of the “Smoke-N-Bitch” crowd and I can tell you that there were very few best practices being shared at the far end of the parking lot. Maybe terrible things to do to the person who was responsible for the latest change to the comp plan but that was it.
Hell, I’ll give you a great example that just happened; I honestly just accidentally deleted about three paragraphs of what I thought was good stuff. It previously occupied this very space that I am more or less free-forming right now. Oops. Fuck… I really want to continue to complain and if we were outside having a smoke (sorry I’m quitting-almost there) I would bitch about autosave features and touchscreen functionality and well shit now what?
Here’s the point: I believe we are conditioned to push negativity regardless of stature. Ride with me for a moment here, again not the Candy Van, maybe a nerdy Tandem Bicycle or something. Just for funsies we can start at the top. Guess what rich people like to do? Complain about shit. Now those complaints are relative but in the mind of someone who was born into generational wealth and has no fucking clue what real life is then yeah, getting the wrong color Porsche for a Sweet Sixteen party is a damn tragedy in their minds. No need to run through every layer of perspective but somewhere on the other end lies a child dying from diarrhea because there is no clean water to drink. I think we can also say that that child has no fucking clue what real life is like. See? I almost left that last part out but I think it actually proves the point. What our minds think pain, suffering and adversity are vary greatly between individuals just as the concept of what everyday life is.
Consider how many young and intelligent individuals go through a hazing process joining Greek Systems in college, how many people say their boss is an asshole but stay with the job, how many people say their boyfriend/girlfiend is just the fucking worst but continue on, how much we complain about politicians but keep electing them, how in every slavery system throughout history the masters were substantially outnumbered but there was almost no revolt, tyrants and dictators ruling entire countries with an Iron Fist for years and years? (and it usually takes some rich cunt or another to actually start the revolution due to infringement on their own power – ie. The American Revolution) Yes, I totally ratcheted up the spectrum there to get to the point.
We are programmed with a NEED to battle negativity (pain) and our subconsciousness thrives on it. Yes, it’s all relative but it promotes varying degrees of growth in any case. Like doing knuckle push ups can help you put your fist through things that would have previously broken your hand. OK, sorry maybe a little extreme for some but just think of physical exercise in general. We physically break ourselves down and somehow it gives us MORE energy for the day and makes us stronger in the long run.
Free Therapy.
As previously stated somewhere along the line: I will never purport to be a therapist of any type. Unless I feel like going back to school and getting another degree that validates as much. Not currently but who knows? Anyway, from my own experience talking to a therapist; it’s basically a Smoke-N-Bitch session on my part and then she offers me helpful advice on how to maybe deal with shit. Some stuff was very helpful and some stuff missed the mark entirely. I realized after a while that the best part, and I’m only talking for myself, was being able to say whatever is on my mind to another actual human being.
It’s hard for most people outside of a Lifetime Original to just totally spill their guts to their friends. I mean really, really put all their weird shit out in the open. So maybe we’re having a pint or whatever and feel like “hey, relatively safe zone” and all the shit is bottled up so we just let off some All Purpose Steam. You know, shit like: My Boss is an Asshole, The Fuck With the Weather?, This Shithead Was Doing 5 Under in the Left Lane, Leave Brittany Alone, etc etc.
So in a way we are all Free Therapy for each other, almost a daily mental safety valve. And for the most part we all listen. I mean unless it’s the perfunctory “How’s it going” to a relative stranger and they start projectile vomiting how they ACTUALLY feel. You don’t get paid enough for that shit.
Maybe it’s selfish but I think it’s a generally unspoken quid-pro-quo. So it’s weird. We thrive on the negativity and pain it causes, selfishly dump it off on each other but accept complaints from our circle because the trade off and understanding is that we can do the same in kind.
OK, so what was your point?
I was frantic when I sat to write something, anything tonight. Not because I thought I had to write something in and of itself. I was just, y’know, frantic. We let these things enter our mind constantly and it gets in the way of what we think we have to do. Now yes, more often than not we have to do those things. Shit like work and sleep and friendships. I just had to take a step back and in this case just starting to write stuff was like a brain specific laxative. Personally I find that when my mind is overwhelmed by negativity and pain, it’s damn near impossible to just let my inner monologue work it all out. If I start writing it down it is much more effective. In the past I used a pen and paper but unless I want to scan and post a bunch of shit that looks like diary entries in Se7en, I’ll just write it out here. And in doing so it WAS like talking to a friend. That’d be you, dear reader.
So if anything, when these things overwhelm you, take a moment to think about why it’s so constant. It’s in our nature. If it feels impossible right now I know this next part will sound absurd. Take the time to let any part of it out. You can start with the All Purpose Steam. Therapist, friend, journal, questionable blog venture… There was a time recently when I would’ve screamed at someone giving me the advice I just spouted out. And I said it anyway.
So there.