{"id":913,"date":"2022-12-29T16:33:26","date_gmt":"2022-12-29T16:33:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/?p=913"},"modified":"2023-03-05T19:47:36","modified_gmt":"2023-03-05T19:47:36","slug":"put-it-out-there","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/?p=913","title":{"rendered":"Put it Out There"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
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One Solution to Melancholy<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Well shit, you\u2019ve done fixed your posture and you’re walking tall and proud and peacocking around like Jagger! Feeling better? Now look, I cannot really understate how much that it helped me and yes I know that something so simple sounds absurd. Here\u2019s the thing though: it\u2019s very easy for our minds to get in a comfortable spot even if it doesn’t make us comfortable. You know the phrase \u201c I\u2019m stuck in a rut?\u201d I don\u2019t know the technical term for a rut and I\u2019m not going to look it up right now but I\u2019m pretty sure it\u2019s not composed of sunshine and rainbows. Refer back to the \u201cNegative Feedback Loop\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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What I do know, from experience not just because some jackass like me told me so, is that carrying yourself confidently has an enormous effect on your self esteem. Also from experience: other people, even random strangers, can see it as well. If you\u2019re slumped over your barstool staring into the abyss of your fifth or tenth Light American Pilsner Beer then I have to tell you something that may or may not be surprising: people are avoiding you. You look like a sad sack asshole and no one wants to hang out with that person. Sorry.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Here\u2019s one of those times that I should be quoting famous psychologists and deep thinkers or what not but I\u2019m not going to. Things I say, unless specifically referenced otherwise, are just an amalgamation of knowledge picked up from who knows where, that I find useful.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Talk it out<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Anyways, what to do after fixing your spine and actually looking straight ahead? I don\u2019t have a clinical term for this because I\u2019m free balling it at the moment but I feel pretty certain saying that even if your confidence has been shattered recently, even if you feel confused and lost and don\u2019t know what to do, you can still make new friends and make positive impressions on people.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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So let\u2019s try and deduce a term for this. Now look: if your confidence is shattered, well that means you had some confidence to begin with right? Or maybe that confidence was born of some recent events that have now gone sideways which also leads to the confusion and WTF part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Having said that, can you talk to your friends? Like regular bullshit talk, not necessarily deep life changing things? I assume so, otherwise they wouldn\u2019t be friends in any sense of the term. Now. Were they your friends from the womb? Even if you’re twins, I doubt it very much. Can I ask any more questions in this paragraph? Maybe? Listen, if you\u2019re stuck in the mythical \u201crut\u201d like I was, there\u2019s a point in when you need to let go of insecurities and like the famous poet John McClane said: \u201c Yippee Kayee Motherfucker!\u201d So I did. I want to be all 2022 and say that it was really really hard to put myself out there and be all vulnerable and shit but I\u2019ll tell you this much: it was a decision I preferred over spending another weekend, night, day or whatever in more or less solitary. Not the easiest thing ever by any means but\u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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So since all my friends are married, have kids, live far away or whatever I decided that fuck it! I\u2019m going out alone! You have no idea how much of a complex this gave me. I grew up in a pretty isolated area and even going to the mall by myself as a youngster made me feel like a big ole loser. The only times I went out to a bar or restaurant or whatever solo was traveling for business at first. That made me realize that, wait: I\u2019m just out here having a good time. People aren\u2019t judging me or laughing or pointing or throwing water balloons and tomatoes at me! Then I decided to take a vacation by myself and went to London. I figured that if I wasn\u2019t going to be bored to tears and sad that I made the investment then I gotta get out of my hotel room and meet people. And it was great and surprisingly easy. Sorry, that was a major left turn but it helped set the table for what I\u2019m getting at.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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As previously stated, certain life events in a cluster made me manic, depressed, lonely and all I could do was pace around. I don\u2019t know how the heck some people work from home but I was losing it being there so much. So that\u2019s when I decided \u201cFuck it, off I go!\u201d Disaster\u2026 I\u2019m going to preface this by saying it gets much, much better but that first time was awful. It was a music festival\/fair\/whatever downtown and I thought that would be a great place to meet someone. I was so wrong, it was way too busy and I got lost in the throng. Then I got lost in my head and was wondering: :\u201dwhat the hell am I doing?\u201d What was the point? That was the night I dialed 988. I felt useless. I felt stupid. I felt like a goddamn loser.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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A few days went by and I asked myself: \u201cSelf?! What are we doing?\u201d Now if you look back a little and think about the self confidence part, I know you\u2019ve had it at some point, maybe not in spades right now but you have it somewhere, I know you do because you wouldn’t even cross the street if you had none.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Huh?<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Oh, wait: point of the story. Right. So: I made that decision the following week to keep trying. I told myself (point of the earlier question) that \u201csweet Jesus yes, I can talk to people\u201d. Here\u2019s the trick: don\u2019t make stupid ass small talk about the weather or whatever. And for the love of God I know you may hear people say this all the time and you don\u2019t believe it: \u201cdon\u2019t be intimidated by a hot girl (or guy!), they\u2019re probably a little lonely because people are too intimidated to talk to them.\u201d But, well fuck it, I did. The weekend after the massively bad idea festival\/fair\/whatever outing I reminded myself that yes: I am attractive (utterly subjective I admit, but you gotta believe in yourself at least a little), that\u2019s why I\u2019ve had girlfriends in the first place. I am humorous and engaging and people enjoy talking to me. OK, I\u2019m going to ditch the Stuart Smalley stuff now. Look, I walked in to the establishment not giving a fuck. Saw two pretty ladies at the bar and sat right down next to them. Struck up a conversation as if I knew them and made it as easy as possible.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I know, I know. What the hell does that mean?, \u201cas if you knew them\u201d. They were admiring fancy ass Bourbons on the bar shelf. \u201cWhich one is your favorite?\u201d I ask. Didn\u2019t offer to buy anything or what not but it made for an easy conversation. Like talking to your friends. For the most part if you take a second and listen and then comment, it engages people. If you just throw out random fluff talk it\u2019s a no go. We both know this because we both glaze over when someone brings up the weather or traffic or shape shifting lizards that control the government. By the way you can do this with anyone whether you\u2019re trying to meet new people or get laid or make a sale. Not talking about Epstien Didn\u2019t Kill Himself just, y\u2019know talking like I would to a friend I already knew. Guess I might as well tell you that I did indeed uh, make a new friend that night. I apologize for being crass, it wasn\u2019t just about \u201cscoring\u201d at the time. It was more about proving to myself that I could make a new connection and feel good again. Lo and behold, I just go out and be myself and good things happen. And you are correct in that much like a weight loss clinic commercial: “results not typical”, but it reaffirmed something. Carry yourself with some self esteem, respect yourself regardless of circumstance and it makes a positive outcome possible. As soon as we tell ourselves that we can’t do it? Well guess what? We are correct.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n\n\n\n

About the success story: I really liked her and wanted it to work out and be something more. Lasted about 6 weeks. More on that later. Maybe. I have a cat now so that\u2019s a plus.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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Shit, I forgot that we were supposed to make a name for this\u2026<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One Solution to Melancholy Well shit, you\u2019ve done fixed your posture and you’re walking tall and proud and peacocking around like Jagger! Feeling better? Now look, I cannot really understate how much that it helped me and yes I know that something so simple sounds absurd. Here\u2019s the thing though: it\u2019s very easy for our …<\/p>\n

Put it Out There<\/span> Read More »<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":915,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"uagb_featured_image_src":{"full":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1.jpg",604,453,false],"thumbnail":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1-150x150.jpg",150,150,true],"medium":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1-300x225.jpg",300,225,true],"medium_large":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1.jpg",604,453,false],"large":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1-426x320.jpg",426,320,true],"1536x1536":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1.jpg",604,453,false],"2048x2048":["https:\/\/alyw.org\/wp-content\/uploads\/2022\/12\/FB_IMG_1664228834305-1.jpg",604,453,false]},"uagb_author_info":{"display_name":"Mike Campbell","author_link":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/?author=1"},"uagb_comment_info":39,"uagb_excerpt":"One Solution to Melancholy Well shit, you\u2019ve done fixed your posture and you’re walking tall and proud and peacocking around like Jagger! Feeling better? Now look, I cannot really understate how much that it helped me and yes I know that something so simple sounds absurd. Here\u2019s the thing though: it\u2019s very easy for our…","_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/913"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=913"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/913\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1013,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/913\/revisions\/1013"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/915"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=913"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=913"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/alyw.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=913"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}